it has been 6 weeks since i left honolulu and returned to kauai. and i gotta say, i love this island! kauai is easy to love because its beautiful and lush and laid back and adventure waits around every river bend. but my affection really goes so far beyond what kauai has to offer me. i love because I finally believe to the very core of who I am that “he who calls you is faithful.” -1 Thessalonians 5:24
I have come to a place where I truly believe that I am called and chosen to be a part of Ywam Kauai. That being here isn’t an accident and isn’t just something I stumbled upon and said yes to. A couple different people have prayed over me that Kauai will be stepping stone for me towards something else. Although encouraging at the time, having this in the back of my mind gave me a sense of escapism. When things would get rough I would simply remind myself that Kauai isn’t forever. But I have come to the conclusion that although this is true, I don’t plan on living here forever, for now I am here. And I need to be here, emotionally committed and building wells, so to speak, relationally with people. I am no longer looking for what is ahead and longing for the day when I will get to go home and “settle” into normal life. Something has shifted in my perspective and deep within my spirit where I just know that this I where I am called to be. And although I would love to have a time commitment so I can be the lovely type A planner that God created me to be, not committing to one year or two years or any number of years is the most freeing thing I have experienced since being a part of Ywam. I am committed to seeing this base established whether that means we are back up and running and stable in a year or in five years.
But at what cost to my family, to my friends, to my future, to a career, to my bank account, to a retirement plan? Where does responsibility come in? Can I really keep living a life that is so unpredictable? My biggest dream is to simply raise a family,to own a home, to have four kids, drive a mini van and bake cookies and cinnamon buns all day long. I value stability and tradition and structure and security and there is nothing I fear more than failure. Obviously pioneering is not for me. No. thank. you.
But obedience is.
It has taken me a very long time for my heart to catch up to my commitment. But I feel like I am finally there. Where God has called me to be has over time turned into the place where I actually want to be. A year ago I couldn’t have said that. A year ago I was at home and i got a phone call from my leader informing me that we lost our property and had to move off of Camp Faith, and that we would be returning to Honolulu to run our school there. It felt like failure. I turned into an emotional wreck that I didn’t recognize and it scared me. There was nothing inside of me that wanted to go back except for the fact that I wanted to be faithful and fulfill my commitment to Kauai.
So yes, I am called and He, well He is faithful. Like really really really faithful. The more our situation looks bleak, the less staff we have, the less money and possessions we have the greater my outlook on this pioneering thing is. Its backwards really. I hate failure, I value structure and yet I have come to a place of peace in who my Lord is that it really doesn’t matter what this world throws at me. I know that the grimmer the circumstance the greater opportunity there is for Jesus to show up, perform a miracle, and receive all the glory. God really truly is so good and I trust in his plans for this base beyond what I can see with my eyes in this moment.
He who calls you is faithful.
and now for the practical real life update! in july we were living on 18 beautiful acres of land and helping out in the yard 15 hours a week for the woman who owns the property. there were five of us here as a few people were joining us to check out kauai and considering whether to join us in the future. they all left at the end of July and so in August we moved up to Kilauea. Josh and I are being hosted in homes of families from our church, thankfully these families live right down the street from each other so we are able to easily meet up when we need to. its just the two of us until January when more staff will hopefully be joining us. these past two weeks living up in kilauea has been a blast. we have been keeping super busy and I am loving it. to give you an idea of my life here is what occupies our time: team meetings, prayer for kauai and for our base, worship, junior high girls bible study, young adults bible study, inductive bible study, helping at a women’s shelter, sports with the anahola kids, babysitting for the church, evangelism, volunteering at an elementary school, planning a community garden, riding bikes, thrift store and farmers market shopping, surfing, reading and playing ultimate frisbee.
i know it seems kinda scattered but there is a method to the madness. when we don’t have a school running (we run a DTS once a year) we like to partner with local ministries and serve the church any way we can. I personally have a heart to see the kids and teens of Kauai know their Saviour, know their identity and to dream big dreams for their lives. That is probably why Monday nights are one of my favourite ministry times because we simply go down to the park in Anahola, play games and love on the the kids. When we first moved here I used to joke around and tell people that my best friends on Kauai were 6, 8 and 10 years old because I would always play marco polo and jaws with them down at the beach. Now they are turning into teenagers and it is crazy how fast they are growing up!
They all go to junior youth now and have growing relationships with the Lord.